Mar 16, 2018 || Comic Documentary
Have you ever wondered what goes on around the newspaper stand?
Curious? Read on
So the other day while taking a trip down to Rumuokoro – Portharcourt Nigeria, I noticed something that’s not new in my country: The “conglomeration” of individuals at a newspaper stand. You know I’ve always been curious about this “office” that sometimes I decide to partake in their board meetings. It’s amazing as to what we can learn from places we never expected and also weird as to how naive we can be, ironical right?!
This is the part 80% of Nigerians belong to. The part of “abeg just waka pass” merely owing to fear of being robbed, or found at the wrong place at the wrong time so we’d just rather do the SMH (Shaking My Head) for those there and pass. Deep down in our hearts we wanna just stay back and enjoy some drama, but we have “better things to do” abi?.
Okay, these set of individuals actually just wanna pass by, but for some strange reason or unknown forces they just put their first toe, tilt a little bit and listen up for some juicy info, probably one to give back to their colleagues, neighbors, friends or something to blame the government for and most times something to worry about. You know Nigerians can’t help but develop something to bother about. They usually don’t stay for long, they look, receive the vital and move on! And as they do, they begin to judge the audience who stay back for the party, like as though in their heart of heart they’re not aching to belong!
Wow, this is the part that makes me wonder! You know these individuals just wake up early in the morning and dress up for “work” and gather at this office place just for this. They literally don’t engage in conversations but sit to be entertained, enlightened or informed (or misinformed) by the speakers. They sit down and nod to everything “nodable” and disagree to everything “disagreaable“. They gradually form cliques and begin to takes sides with whichever speaker appeals to their conscience whether he is right or wrong. Sometimes they engage in word fights just to gain the love of their favorite speaker, I totally don’t get this part…. Some of them even exchange contact; “Chinedu store my number ok, see you tomorrow you hear, call me o when you’re coming or better still branch my place so we can go together”.
Makes me wonder what the name of this association would be called 😕 (Newspaper Audience Association of Nigeria, Nothing-To-Do Association of Nigeria, Crowd Gathering Association of Nigeria). Hmm, in naija, we can form association sha! Everything na dues!!!! Very soon this national newspaper audience committee would design membership form, with the rule: Pay before you stand and argue or waka pass 😂….
Yes, now the part we’ve all been waiting for, tada….drum rolls….with a standing ovation let’s welcome on stage the sabi sabi orator of the federal republic of Nigeria who knows it all. I would have said speakers, but it’s usually one man that kicks this section off! One bold man who isn’t afraid or actually is but his face isn’t showing it. He takes the stage to discuss a headline from the news and talks about how bad the government is, how bias the media house is, how the newspaper is carrying stale and fake news, and every other resentment he has stored up inside. He’s the beauty of the show! His neck veins start growing longer than usual as he increases his pitch to make himself known, as he speaks he attracts more audience which is good business (I guess) for the vendor (makes me wonder if the vendor paid him for this). The whitish bubbly substance slowly comes forth from his gob and sprays his listeners with it. He is trying to be important, to have a face. Everybody does, in one way or the other, longs to be important, to be noticed and significant so he sees this opportunity and utilizes it. I duff my hat for him.
Now from an angle they watch and listen as the speaker lavishly airs his opinions, they nod in agreement until gbam! the speaker talks spoil, they see it as a means of shinning too. To them this man can’t just take the lead, they didn’t come here to play so they start to counter him, deep down they don’t really agree with themselves on all they’re saying but because “a mo shine, when a mo shine” hits their spirit they have to comply, they just have to. .. They argue and argue until they’re exhausted….
THE ORIGINAL OWNERS
I call them thus because it’s who they are. Their mission is to take what others bought for themselves but belongs to them. E.g your phone, your watch, your money, it’s actually yours o, but they feel you bought it on their behalf. They notice when everyone is giving their best to the discussion and piom they swing into action, they run their hands smoothly and swiftly to possess their possessions and off they go with their hands full and a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction, to them they’re very clever but naa Karma will wait for them. And before one realizes what has happened, the show is all over! Let’s kindly exit the building…to
You know the painful part of this office meeting is that they don’t get to buy even one newspaper 📰 but get to read virtually all the stories there in which brings me to the vendors! Nawa o, I wonder how they do it.
So which are you? Abeg yarn me!
Kindly visit a newspaper stand or vendor and patronize him, thank you!
Cheers to the weekend,